ZOMG overnight I turned into a parent

[shadowspar]

Every now and then, a turn of phrase, seemingly unbidden, springs from my lips that's either

• so screamingly something that a stereotypical parent would say, or
• something that before having become a parent, I could never have predicted myself one day saying.

Today's example of the former:

"Watch it -- you might learn something."

...and of the latter:

"Hey! No, stop! Stop licking the doorstop, you'll get splinters!"