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Wednesday, August 5th, 2015 01:31
1. I did not get all my displays made today, but I got enough of them done that it should still be easy to get everything done tomorrow and get off at three.

2. Day two of once again trying to cut down on soda. Both yesterday and today I had only one Coke, so that's good. Carla is trying to cut down, too, which means we don't have a ton of soda in the house, which helps! If it's there, I want to drink it.

3. I've also been trying to buy lunch/snacks at work less, and that's been going pretty well, too. Several days in the last week or so I took a lunch, and I think there was one day when I didn't buy anything at all. We also started selling leftover bentos the next day again, so if I do need to buy lunch, now I can usually get something for only 50 cents or a dollar.
Wednesday, August 5th, 2015 08:23
via at August 05, 2015 at 03:15AM:
Wednesday, August 5th, 2015 07:39
via at August 05, 2015 at 02:30AM:



Personality:I DON’T GIVE A FUCK

Anxiety: I do

alternately, often at the exact same time -

Depression: i don’t give a fuck about anything. i don’t have the energy to give a fuck about anything. nothing matters.

Anxiety: everything matters everythign matters RIGHT THIS SECOND i give a fuck about EVERYTHING you have to fix EVERYTHING or you are going to DIE.

The compromise usually ends up being “I will sit here doing nothing while being in viciously painful states of terror about it.”
Wednesday, August 5th, 2015 06:53
via at August 05, 2015 at 01:45AM:

We are Groot.
Wednesday, August 5th, 2015 03:14

Cosplay WIP - Ear Fins Step 1

I spent the weekend hanging out with pinnedtogether in person (a rare occurrence, we live a full timezone apart), and we worked on costumes and watched anime and all that good shit. She helped me finally make casts of my ears, because after one solo try I realized I needed a second pair of hands. I’m going to clean up the plaster casts and then cast the clean versions in plastic, which I can then mold earfins for Garfit and some custom eartips for a friend on. I thought it was cool how much detail the alginate and plaster pick up - you can see the indents where my piercing holes are, and the complete outline of the pieces of cellophane tape I used to cover up the larger holes in my left ear (I have an industrial piercing and I didn’t want alginate running through my ear). The missing chunk of right ear is just a bubble in the plaster, though - my earlobe is very average.

(pictures from pinnedtogether, who at least was kind enough to not take of me flopped on her kitchen floor waiting for the alginate to set)

Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 23:55
Here ensues at least two months of trying to remember how old I am.

It has been a hell of a year. But comparing this time last year to right now, I wouldn't change how and who I am now.

I've made and lost friends along the way, of course, and I'm more OK with what I have left than I thought I would be. My health is better in most ways, my fitness is better and I'm noticably physically stronger. My financial situation is still dire, but slowly improving and less stressful. I have new interests, and renewed love for old ones. I'm happier and calmer, busier, and happy about it.

Special thoughts tonight to people who have made space in their lives for me this year, whether for quick chats or longer escapes, distraction or talking, games and laughter or... well, more games and laughter, I think.

I will definitely be going to bed with a smile on my face tonight. Bring on the next 365 days.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 13:57
The TODO group is an industry body that appears to be trying to define community best practices or something. I don't really know what their backstory is and whether they're trying to do meaningful work or just provide a fig leaf of respectability to organisations that dislike being criticised for doing nothing to improve the state of online communities but don't want to have to actually do anything, and their initial work on codes of conduct was, perhaps, suboptimal. But they do appear to be trying to improve things - this commit added a set of inappropriate behaviours, and also clarified that reverseisms were not actionable behaviour.

At which point Reddit lost its shit, because Reddit is garbage. And now the repository is a mess of white men attempting to explain how any policy that could allow them to be criticised is the real racism.

Fuck that shit.

Being a cis white man who's a native English speaker from a fairly well-off background, I'm pretty familiar with privilege. Spending my teenage years as an atheist of Irish Catholic upbringing in a Protestant school in a region of Northern Ireland that made parts of the bible belt look socially progressive, I'm also pretty familiar with the idea that that said privilege doesn't shield me from everything bad in life. Having privilege isn't a guarantee that my life will be better, in the same way that avoiding smoking doesn't mean I won't die of lung cancer. But there's an association in both cases, one that's strong enough to alter the statistical likelihood in meaningful ways.

And that inherently affects discussions about race or gender or sexuality. The probability that I've been subject to systematic discrimination because of these traits is vanishingly small. In the communities this policy is intended to cover, I'm the default. It's very difficult for any minority to exercise power over me. "You're white, you wouldn't understand" isn't fundamentally about my colour, it's about the fact that my colour means I haven't been subject to society trying to make my life more difficult at every opportunity. A community that considers saying that to be racist is a community that will never change the default, a community that will never be able to empower people who didn't grow up with that privilege. A code of conduct that makes it clear that "reverse racism" isn't grounds for complaint makes it clear that certain conversations are legitimate and helps ensure we have the framework we need to gradually change that default, and as such is better than one that doesn't.

(comments disabled because I don't trust any of you)
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 11:25
I've been rewatching Flashpoint lately, thanks half to the little browser extension that lets me see it on American Netflix, and half to [personal profile] commodorified discovering it for the first time and letting me know what she thinks. (Marna's thoughts on Flashpoint are fascinating, but outside the scope of this post.)

The first time I met a fan in real life who knew Flashpoint she immediately enthused, "Hugh Dillon is so dreamy." It honestly bewildered me. I knew who Hugh Dillon was, and a lot of fans liked him in Hard Core Logo, but Flashpoint was my first introduction to him, and I spent so much of his screen time wanting to whap him to notice how attractive he really was.

Because Ed Lane is the Ur-example of a man who dumps all his emotional labour a domestic responsibilities on his wife, and then acts like he's heroically moving heaven and earth when he picks up a tiny sliver of them. Our first introduction to him is when he's skiving off an event with his inlaws and blowing off his wife's concern. He hates talking about his emotions, spends extra time at work to avoid being at home, hides in his man-cave when he is there, cancels date night, and doesn't actually do much in the way of parenting.

Flashpoint is my show because it punishes Ed for it. One of the consistent themes is deconstructing toxic masculinity, so Ed actually has to deal with his wife's displeasure and his total lack of relationship with his son. The first time we see him really crack, in my opinion, is when he has to confront his hero, who is a cautionary tale of retirement: a retired police officer whose marriage and friendships died of neglect, who self-medicates his PTSD with alcohol, and has only his stoicism and his regrets left to him unless his friends can get through his shell to talk about their mutual brokenness.

A lot of people seem confused about who the star of the show is. Ed seems like it, since he's tall and handsome and stern and leads the tactical team--but the actor who actually gets top billing is Enrico Colantoni, who plays Ed's boss Greg, the team's lead negotiator who is shorter, rounder, and pointedly in touch with his emotions. Greg already faced the worst possible outcome--he was an aan alcoholic so bad the court declared him an unfit parent when his wife left him--but he came back from it. He's done all the emotional heavy lifting in accepting his life's circumstances. He's vulnerable and frequently wise, nurturing and empathetic. Ed's task over the arc of the show is to become more like Greg.

And Ed... almost repulsed me, especially to begin with. He was so much like my father, or maybe what my father wanted to be.

(Rico Colantoni, between his Greg and Keith Mars, my TV dad, is someone who would disappoint me greatly by being too different from his characters. And Flashpoint's Sam Braddock, who does way more emotional heavy lifting than his female love interest, is the truly dreamy one to me for all his rough start. He gives up playoff tickets to comfort a friend who needs him!)
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 09:48
OK how is this for an idea

Women's Creative Commons Culture Collective

It is mostly just an idea. But we can make it an idea with some sort of logo and manifesto and maybe templates for how to do it.

We spread the idea that we can offer people whose work we love some money for them to creative commons license that work. Rather than just wishing they would or asking them, we pay people. Like producers do to own a slice of an artist's work. Instead we pay to not own a slice or only to own the same slice as everyone else does. This will help us support each other, and our work, and also will save it from obscurity when we reserve it privately or publish it small scale because we want to get paid. Wanting to get paid is reasonable.

We could encourage each other to start saying right up front here's what it would cost to CC license this particular work (i think that is useful for visual art). But I am also going to try to make reasonable offers for this for writing and music i love and want to republish or want to be up on the net. I am just now doing this with 2 friends locally whose music I love, and who made a lovely song called Sisters, and I want to send it to EVERYONE..... especially right now.

As riot grrrl zine distros go... I have always considered the bulk of my work to just be out there and not under my control and I don't look for control of it. and that was our ethic. Now we have some formal structures to bring to bear that could be in good alignment with what we do anyway , that will let us do it better.

If you see ethical problems with this please discuss in comments or just tell me in email.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 17:33
If you're wondering, "Marina, how ambitious were you when you first sat down to write long original fiction?"

Well, the answer is that I wrote a scifi story that unfolds over the course of 7 days, and is told from 4 different POVs. The manuscript ended up being 24k words long, with about 29 scenes overall. DO NOT ASK.

Because what I needed as a young writer was a story where each scene had to have at least 3 functions (plot for that character, characterization for that character + secondary characters, advancing the overall plot (7 day countdown), exposition/worldbuilding (that's built on unreliable narrators because 4 POVs), and of course, advancing the 5 (I counted, there are 5!) mysteries the story's built on). That was a totally reasonable thing to do.

"She really loved a challenge" should be written on my tombstone.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 08:00
One huge thing about emotional labour, I've been thinking, is how absolutely non-negotiable it is for childrearing if you want to minimize the damage you do your children. A child's early emotional experiences are absolutely fundamental for building their entire worldview, sense of self, and response to stress. If parents don't a) understand that their child has a very different emotional reality from them, and b) constantly mentally model it to predict and understand their child's behaviour, that sets the kid up for life-long problems.

Emotional labour is predicting that your three-year-old is tired, hungry, and stressed, so if you bring him into a grocery store he's probably going to want you to buy him something, and then throw a huge tantrum if you don't; it's avoiding the grocery run, making a deal to buy him something small if he behaves, or responding to the tantrum quietly and efficiently and without acting like the child is being an evil greedy little shit instead of a totally normal three-year-old.

This is the kind of thing that sometimes has a very narrow margin of error. I was out with my family at the lake this weekend and my nephews, 2 and 4, were experimenting with climbing down the ladder from the dock and getting their feet and legs wet. It was a foreign and slightly scary experience, especially as they experimented with putting their bodies in and taking their feet off the ladder. They wanted a lot of attention and approval--"Look at me with my feet on the third step!"--and needed a lot of reassurance, like a rope tied to the back of their lifejackets and a hand to hold as they tried floating.

Then my dad asked my two-year-old nephew, "Do you trust me?" and threw him in the lake, "to get him used to being in the water."

Sam was scared and upset. We hauled him out immediately, and he went to his mom for hugs while he cried. I could've killed Dad, but I prioritized comforting my nephews and making sure they were okay. He'd gotten impatient with the slow, emotionally laborious process of letting the kids expand their comfort zones while feeling relaxed and happy, and either didn't predict or didn't care that choosing to be in the water, and being thrown in the water, are very different things. Then, when it was over, he didn't engage with Sam's emotions--didn't comfort him, apologize, or praise him for being brave.

The experience may leave no lasting mark on Sam, who's an adventurous little bugger and very resilient, but it reminded me of how easy it is to screw this stuff up. Had Dad done it to Sam's brother Alex, who's already a bit sensitive, it might have inspired real terror, maybe even a lasting phobia. Alex saw Sam's dunk and asked me to throw him in, but even so he hated the sense of water going over his head, and also cried and needed comfort after.

(It also reminded me of how absolutely shite my dad is at EL; that total emotional blindness to other peoples' emotions is what earned him the NPD diagnosis last year. If he changes his behaviour it'll be because he knows I'll chew him out later for throwing kids in the lake, not because he actually understands why it's important to not pull that shit on them by surprise.)

I also thought that although you can do a bit of fighting and negotiation over things like housework, and endure a late learner doing the dishes badly so long as they're done--you don't always have that freedom with kids. I'd seriously hesitate before letting my father or brother babysit my kids, because their practice could have serious consequences. They struggle enough with dealing with the emotions of adults. Which goes right back to a gendered division of childrearing and emotional labour.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 02:06
Purple's response to my proposed last name indicates that he sees much more of my cranky side than my sunny side.

Darkside heard my proposed name and started thinking through the possible jokes. Though first he apologized for coming down on the wrong side of my legal name. He'd been using the version reserved for school, work, taxes, and trouble.

One of the jokes was meh. One was inevitable and charming. One obscure 80s one had me telling him that I adore him. I have not yet introduced him to a particular song which I see as the start of a whole series of jokes.

I think I have his blessing, and that matters more than I had realized.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 08:20
via at August 04, 2015 at 03:15AM:



what’s it like to be taller than 5’2”??? is it nice? can you comfortabley reach cupboards?

We live in constant fear of the short ones, who (in my experience) will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want

Alright story time.

I’m 6′0″, and one of the ways I assert my dominance over short people poke fun at short people is by holding my hand all the way up and asking them for a high five.

I do this all the time, but in highschool, I was friends with this one girl who I swear was about 4′5″ at most, and I put my hand all the way up and asked her for a high five.

Without hesitation, she literally climbed up my side like a fucking ladder and gave me the high five before hopping off and staring at my slack jawed face.

I was very impressed and very afraid. 
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 01:11
1. New Gravity Falls, yeah!

2. We had pancakes for dinner.

3. I got a lot of stuff done today, both housework and translating.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 07:36
via at August 04, 2015 at 02:30AM:

Steve, Bucky, Peggy and Natasha by rhonnnnie on redbubble

Prints, mugs, stickers, phone cases, etc available here!
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 06:50
via at August 04, 2015 at 01:45AM:

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 01:32
post-tags: instagram, crosspost I just want to go home, but some shithead destroyed my bike. Waiting for @MBTATransitPD now.
Tuesday, August 4th, 2015 01:12
1. Counselling is just around the corner from the V&A. [personal profile] aella_irene likes the V&A. Ergo we had lunch sat on the art installation You Know You Cannot See Yourself So Well as by Reflection, having spent the morning hanging out in the ironwork collection. (My plan for next time involves making friends with the glass gallery; wrought iron is something I just... find incredibly soothing, for reasons I haven't quite articulated but that include the fact that it's very stark in terms of colours involved, and has lots of nice bold lines and repeating patterns.)

2. Relatedly, plants: the hydrangeas up the sides of the central courtyard are currently fantastic, as are the other plantings, and [personal profile] aella_irene very generously gave me a bag of her household's surplus raspberries, so that was a joy and a delight.

3. Our internet connection is unstable enough (and I'm undermedicated enough) that I don't particularly feel like coding; nonetheless I made lots of progress with my Dreamwidth todo list today.

4. Benefits-related discussion. )

5. Peak 90s Kid: my mum frantically facebook IMing me for tech support. I sort of provided it, ineffectually, and she actually sorted the problem out by herself, and that means there exist more photos on the internet of me & largest smallcousin.

6. We had tinned pineapple in the house; we now have pineapple upside-down cake.

7. Another batch of rosemary sourdough is rising on the side, to be breakfast-and-lunch food.

8. I have Steam installed on the new laptop and it was rapid and painless and completely unlike most of my other attempts to install Steam under Debian. This means that I now have a MOUNTAIN yes yes.

9. Every time I reread your blue-eyed boys I find more things in it, and they are comfort and they are in their fragmentary way moments of peace.

10. Externally-sourced self-worth: my comments on the MeFi thread are getting favourited by lots of people & positively engaged with. Hurrah for managing to say things that are useful to people.
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 12:32
Mondays, every week, let's celebrate ourselves, to start the week right. Tell me what you're proud of. Tell me what you accomplished last week, something -- at least one thing -- that you can turn around and point at and say: I did this. Me. It was tough, but I did it, and I did it well, and I am proud of it, and it makes me feel good to see what I accomplished. Could be anything -- something you made, something you did, something you got through. Just take a minute and celebrate yourself. Either here, or in your journal, but somewhere.

(And if you feel uncomfortable doing this in public, I've set this entry to screen any anonymous comments, so if you want privacy, comment anonymously and I won't unscreen it. Also: yes, by all means, cheer each other on when you see something you want to give props to!)
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 11:14
(A stopsign in PEI altered to say Stop Harper)

The writ has dropped, election October 19.

2) Fire out West. Water back East.

You're almost certainly not as concerned as you should be.

(Two maps showing temperature and precipitation changes across Canada, 1950-2010)

3) Stop carding. Stop carding now.

4) I'm still not switching back to Rogers.

Rogers apologizes for showing porn on CHCH: Gaffe marks 2nd time in 3 years pornography was aired instead of news

5) We like Canadian Music..
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 17:30
So, I'm in the final stages of writing my last short story for a while (seriously, guys, I'm EXHAUSTED. Short stories are terrible!), and the deadline for submitting is tonight. I could wax poetic for a while how few chances this story has for this particular venue, but more on my bitter battle scars later.

This story is not actually a story. It's a 2000 word prologue for the fantasy novel I've been trying to write for ages now and mostly haven't gotten anywhere because shiny things were shiny I hate writing without an outline, and an outline wasn't presenting itself.

Well, this is finally a thing from that novel. It was written in extreme haste (EXTREME. HASTE.) and needs polishing (WOW does it need polishing) and not everything here will actually make it into the novel (mostly worldbuilding details I had to fudge because EXTREME HASTE). If you've read previous entries about it you know what it's roughly about, if not I'd rather keep you spoiler free in case you can help me out with this.

The deadline for submitting the story (which is intended to be part of a larger work) is in 6 hours (10PM GMT).

I need someone to look over a 2000 word draft in that time and help me: (1) polish up the prose (2) point out internal inconsistencies in the text

I don't really have time for any fundamental revisions, but having someone look over the text would help me a LOT (it's just been me writing so far, with no outside input).

If this could be you please let me know whether gdocs or a Word file would work best for you and leave your email after the beep! As usual, your help would be greatly, greatly appreciated.
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 16:29
Ugh, today is not the best day to do this, because a weather change (from cold 'n cloudy to hot 'n humid) gave me a headache and after posting this I'll hop on the couch for a nap. I can't think of much that got me excited last week (tho I suspect that is also due to the headache, not that nothing good happened) - but, I got some ideas for the next music linkspam and that makes me happy!

What good, exciting things happened to you last week? What are you looking forward to this week? It can be one thing or many things, something big or small - especially the small things, they don't get enough credit.
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 14:24
A couple of months ago, I think, my dad asked me how things were progressing with university and I had to laugh; he then said: "Do you still want to go to New York? I'm paying."

Admittedly, when I'd said I wanted to go to New York, it was because I thought it was one of the jumbo jet routes, and I've always dearly wanted to travel in the "bubble" of a 747 - but I wasn't about to turn down a free holiday.

Anyway; we didn't do much straight away, but after I established that delays at uni had caused me to miss the deadline to apply for student finance, we began to bounce ideas back-and-forth about where we might like to go, and what we might like to do over there - first, I pitched a few days in NYC, followed by Amtrak to Washington DC and a flight home from Dulles. He returned with scrapping DC because "there's nothing to do there except see the White House", and instead suggested flying to Boston, staying a few days there, maybe going to see Harvard U, and then using Amtrak to get to NYC for a few days before flying home from JFK.

I agreed, it seemed like a nice idea... but then had a brainwave. I say brainwave; it was a real "what's the worst that could happen?" attempt that I didn't expect him to go for, mostly because it involves spending an entire day on a train - albeit the most scenic rail route in the US and Canada, but still, 13 hours! - not to mention the fact it costs more than the other suggestions we'd each floated.

But, to my absolute delight, it turned out he harboured a secret desire to go to one of the places I'd thought of, and I was proved wrong.

So, on September 21st, we leave Manchester for London (I'm choosing not to think about the environmental effects of that - train times don't fit nicely with check-in times, and and navigating across London with luggage in the peak of freshers season will be even more hellish than at any other time...), where we connect to a flight to Toronto, arriving mid-afternoon local time.

(I did just get excited a moment ago, Googling for which routes BA does fly with a 747, and found that they do in fact sometimes uses 747s on the London-Toronto route - but our specific flight, and all others the same day, are actually in 777s. I assume they use 747s in the off-season, which we're missing by a few weeks. Oh well!)

The next day is left open, and we'll likely go for a walking tour and hopefully split up in the afternoon to do some exploring on our own, as we've previously found we holiday best that way.

On Wednesday 23rd, we're catching the train to Niagara Falls for a day, taking a boat trip through the Falls themselves, exploring the towns in both countries, and walking over Rainbow Bridge (because how could I not?).

Thursday, we catch the Amtrak Maple Leaf train to NYC, and stay in Manhattan for five days, before flying from JFK back to London on September 29th, and then back to Manchester the morning of the 30th.

I am so ridiculously excited already. The hostels are booked, the flights and train journeys are paid for, travel authorisations and insurance bought. I'm going to try and hold off writing out a wishlist of all the things I simply must do until at least September, but...
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 11:19
So, I rarely post about my fannish travel adventures, even though I spend a lot of my time remembering them fondly, because I'm always afraid of not mentioning everyone I hung out with on a particular trip in a single entry and thus making people feel like I enjoyed their company less or valued them less or something. When in reality, it's just the way memories work - they pop up in your head one by one, not as a huge overwhelming collection.

So, right now I'm going to break that tradition (as I keep yearning to do) and I'm just going to self indulgently remember some cool moments from various fannish trips over the years. This is not a comprehensive retrospective! It is not a recap! please don't think I didn't enjoy spending time with you or don't remember our interaction fondly because you're not mentioned under the cut.

This is just some stuff I was reminded of, for one reason or another, lately, and that made me smile, and miss the people involved, and think of how lucky I am to have had the experiences I've had. To have found fandom when I did, to have befriended people, to have taken various leaps of faith and courage and gone adventuring to the degree that I was able to.

London, Delhi, Boston )
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 01:18
1. Day off tomorrow!

2. Today we found Molly up on the kitchen counter twice and while we're very proud of her jumping/climbing/exploring skills, this is not the sort of thing we want to encourage. But thankfully it turned out she was not just jumping straight from the floor to the counter (yet) but was using a chair to get up there, so we rearranged things so she can no longer get up on the counter. (Instead she gets on the chair and paws frustratedly at the stuff we used to block her. :p)

3. Today we had one of the closing cashiers call in sick, so for the last hour there was only one cashier and I had to help out at the register, but I was still able to get everything I needed to do done.

4. There's a new Gravity Falls tomorrow! (And then probably another three weeks until the next new episode. Seriously, I do not know what is wrong with this show.)
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 08:27
via at August 03, 2015 at 03:15AM:
I’ve always felt that as long as you’re getting your work done and up to spec, the time it takes you to do said work doesn’t necessarily have to fill your working hours. I mean, if you’re doing what work you’re assigned and the rest of the time you’re surfing the internet or reading or whatnot, what are you supposed to do? 

If you want to focus more because you fall behind and need to catch up, that’s one thing. I found that for me, setting a timer to make myself work for a set period of time, and increasing that slowly over a period of weeks, helped me to focus more (I also found out that my attention span before I need to shift gears to something new is a hard limit of about twenty minutes unless I get super-involved in something). Also making sure I kept a running list of what I had to do for work kept me on-task if I had a really long list.

But honestly, if you’re keeping up and doing the work well, the time you’re not “working” at work is really on call; you’re waiting for something to do. Enjoy it – no reason to feel guilty if you’ve done the task. Thinking about tasks instead of about time helps me a lot. And taking a break to check tumblr every while helps keep me sane. :D 

Good luck! Slacking at work can be very rewarding as long as you do it right :D
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 07:42
via at August 03, 2015 at 02:30AM:

a hymn for the millennium
When I asked why you abandoned me
The minute you possibly could
You told me a charming story:
A man saw a butterfly emerging,
And wanted to help it get free.
But in helping he forgot:
Butterflies need to push against their prison
To grow their wings strong in the struggle for freedom
And in helping, he doomed the fragile creature entirely.

You said it with such a self-pleased smile,
Such confidence in your morality tale.

But I am not an insect
And you are not the hand of God.
You weren’t letting the butterfly emerge;
You were starving the worm.
So if you think what came out of the chrysalis was a monster,
And if you’re afraid I’ll devour you in my hunger,
You have only yourself to blame.
Monday, August 3rd, 2015 06:57
via at August 03, 2015 at 01:45AM:


okay so my dad got me a pen

and i was like “oh, thanks dad, it’s even my favourite colour”

but then it was like, ‘oh, what’s this?’




THAT’S BRUTAL I want ten
Sunday, August 2nd, 2015 22:08
Thank you so so much to everyone who donated, signalboosted, and commented on my donation post. I'm already a third of the way to my goal, got several job leads I didn't find anywhere else, and also got this cutie:

a ferret drinking from a pond

♥ You're all great.
Sunday, August 2nd, 2015 20:48

These are the pictures I showed [personal profile] woggy and my friend Linda. They both found them...rather eww.

ew gross. hall bathroom )

I did do some serious disinfecting of the bathroom yesterday and I guess tomorrow I'll start on the cleaning of it? I'm not really looking forward to it, but it does need to be done. I need a bathroom I can send guests to, since the other bathroom is the master bathroom (and it's got pea green fixtures. Not kidding.)

Sunday, August 2nd, 2015 19:52

I took pictures of the house on Monday night, but I didn't get a chance to post them Tuesday. [personal profile] woggy saw a couple of the worst of them, but those will be under a cut.

photos under here of Rat te Kāinga! )

That's the house! Except for the hall bathroom, but that might go on it's own post of EW GROSS.

Sunday, August 2nd, 2015 08:17
Thinking about quiet things to do today, sedentary but productive and not all about computers. This is not a list of things which all need doing, it's just something to choose from.

Note, if you go on etsy and look for "punk note cards" you will quickly think, "What the fuck is WRONG with me" especially once there are no good options. All my notecards are pretty landscape paintings suitable for mailing to my remaining grandparent. Amazon has got nothing. Etsy, fucking nothing and nothing good for "feminist" either. Note to world. Those retro pictures of some woman looking femmy from the 40s and saying "fuck" don't make it feminist. for fuck's sake.

I believe precita eyes store over on 24th has either postcards or notecards with some women other than (but including) frida kahlo. thank fuck. in the meantime I will make my own, which in theory is as it should be, but in practice I would like to buy some!


Get all my data off Revolt's hacked up hard drive and get it back to him.
More setting up of power strips in convenient places by the couch, counter, kids' room
Fiddle with music things. Can I get it so my giant music collection will play to speakers?
Open up Airport Express and just look at it. Read up on what might be wrong with it.
Write short blog posts about books.
See if there is a better blogging client than MarsEdit.
Play clash of clans since it's now Battle Day for my family clan


Continue clearing desk area, go thru file cabinet
Does the metal shelf in-out box from garage fit under the "charging table"?
Laundry. Clean laundry smells like mildew. Get z. to re-wash with borax
Coax the cat to eat tidbits.
Groceries for the week. make a list. zond7? or instacart?
Cook some delicious plátanos today.
Deep water all the plants.


Write another letters. 2 per week is good. Maybe 1 per day.
Think of some more letter writing people. Ask for addresses.
Write to grandma finally even if no printed photos seem suitable
Make more notecards. Punk feminist ones. Color them with colored pencils.
Make set of punk feminist notecards for my sister
Look over poems.
New tiny zine (Alpha Suffrage Club) research and writing
Plan new tiny zine on combahee river collective. Important!
Organize sticker collection at least roughly, in envelopes.
Hardware store again to contemplate fancy small plant pots.
Repot tiny succulents as presents for R. and the nice post office lady


How many people can I handle seeing this week.
- intern
- yatima's brother
- tru
- Revolt
- hazelbroom
- sundress?
- would like to call debbie
- new nice friend who plays ingress?

That is too many. Dammit. Maybe will need to wait till post mexico visit to invite extra people.

My luxurious bath and applying a korean face mask, then every kind of lotion I own last night including the low strength marijuana lotion - that was a good plan. I feel extremely moisturized, and smell like rosemary and lemon.
Sunday, August 2nd, 2015 08:21
via at August 02, 2015 at 03:15AM:


I reblogged this so fast.
Sunday, August 2nd, 2015 07:36
via at August 02, 2015 at 02:30AM:

~ The Ladies’ Guide to True Politeness and Perfect Manners; or, Miss Leslie’s Behaviour Book, a Guide and Manual for Ladies, by Eliza Leslie, 1864
Sunday, August 2nd, 2015 06:51
via at August 02, 2015 at 01:45AM:

The evolution from Edwin to The Vision

For the amazing vislon
Saturday, August 1st, 2015 18:51
It's getting on to two years since John died.

There've been some changes in my life recently that I like to think would have made him happy for me. One was the adoption of Ferdinand, my wee kitten. The other was moving to Poplarville and getting a house. (I really have to get those pictures up on this journal.)

I like to think that he'd come up and help with the cleaning and make it funny and joke a lot, cause that's how he was. He'd also know all the secrets to getting a kitten trained to not treat your fingers as toys. Then we'd go to the BBQ place here in town and gorge ourselves silly on the best BBQ in the area.

I like thinking that it would be pleasing to him that his little sister was having a good life and was happy. Even if the hall bathroom should be condemned for health violations. (He'd probably paint a biohazard sign on the door, knowing him.)

I still notice shopping buggies in random places because of him.

Pain is mostly gone. Sore, but not sharp. It will probably never go away.
Saturday, August 1st, 2015 01:41
1. Friday means I get to sleep in for three days in a row!

2. We got this chocolate-coated lemon cake in at work and it's really tasty!

3. Thanks to [personal profile] lovepeaceohana I got hooked on this word game called Alphabear, so I've been playing that a bunch all evening.

4. I got a great picture of Molly tonight:

Saturday, August 1st, 2015 08:31
via at August 01, 2015 at 03:15AM:

I love this moment.  I love it, because Agent Carter she is historically accurate.

American servicemen serving in the UK were issued pamphlets reminding them that the UK women had been in that war longer than the Americans had and deserved their respect:

A British woman officer or non-commissioned officer can and often does give orders to a male private. The men obey smartly and know it is no shame. For British women have proven themselves in this war. They have stuck to their posts near burning ammunition dumps, delivered messages afoot after their motorcycles have been blasted from under them. They have pulled aviators from burning planes. They have died at the gun posts and as they fell another girl has stepped directly into the position and “carried on.” There is not a single record in this war of any British woman in uniformed service quitting her post or failing in her duty under fire.

Now you understand why British soldiers respect the women in uniform. They have won the right to the utmost respect. When you see a girl in khaki or air-force blue with a bit of ribbon on her tunic - remember she didn’t get it for knitting more socks than anyone else in Ipswitch.

No wonder she decks him. And no wonder his boss believes he deserves it.
Saturday, August 1st, 2015 07:31
via at August 01, 2015 at 02:30AM:

No. No, it’s all right. You’re just… You’re not exactly what I expected.
Saturday, August 1st, 2015 06:47
via at August 01, 2015 at 01:45AM:


Paging copperbadge

It’s because so many of the fields where we grow our fucks were barren last year. 
Friday, July 31st, 2015 23:52
It's a theory, or a perspective, I've been kicking around for a while.

I think that humans, like our cities, are fractally interesting. A person or a community can be quite bland and boring when viewed large, but that surface impression is not the same thing. The closer you look, the more you find things that are complex and fascinating and amazing.

We spend a lot of time wanting to sum up, to label, to take people in at a glance. To write people off. The same with the places they live, I muse as I spend time this summer in small no-account towns in an extraneous province of an ignorable country. I was sitting in a friend's back yard tonight, watching apples fall from her tree, thinking about all the secret hidden places you don't see if you look quickly, roughly, from a distance; they only open up to patient and careful eyes.

People don't always show you from the outset the way they peel vegetables, the way they learned to spell, their moments of grace and resilience. Those things are learned slowly and often they're hidden pieces of knowledge. There are things you'll never know about people and places until you, say, meet a local scientist who can tell you that the local variety of dandelion shows genetic drift from the variety that grows in the sidewalks of a city fifty minutes down the road. The most interesting parts are hidden away in unreadable alphabets or in houses or in skin. and it takes work to find and decode them.
Friday, July 31st, 2015 14:23
I feel like I've been falling behind lately, which of course brings up the question of "Behind on what? You are on maternity leave. Is your baby still alive? Still growing? Still learning? THEN YOU ARE NOT BEHIND."

But the brain angsts over what it will angst over, so there you go. To combat this feeling, I will now list my triumphs:

they are rather mundane triumphs and so I cut )

We had a really nice walk today. It's hot and sunny, but with just enough of a breeze that it doesn't feel oppressively hot. We did our usual tour of the neighbourhood. I've been on a mission to invest in my community (I really like this neighbourhood), so I've been picking up one piece of trash in the park on every walk to put in the bins. I'd pick up more, but I have seventeen pounds of baby strapped to my front. [personal profile] bell says she will get me a grabby-claw thing the next time she goes to the dollar store, and then I'll be able to do more.

Along those lines, we happened to pass a house today where an older woman was unloading groceries, so I offered to take her bags. It was just two loads, but 'just' for me looked like a tough job for her. She met Lucas and we said good day and, well. That was it! But it felt nice to be helpful and neighbourly. I'd like Lucas, when he's older, to be able to run around a few blocks within a certain radius of our house the way I used to. It seems like that's becoming more and more rare. But if we can get to know people through small acts now, it'll make it easier for him later, maybe. I can hope.

The other triumph of today isn't mine as much as his--he went down for his third nap without a fuss. Thus I can even update! And that is good self-care too. Hooray for journalling.

Happy upcoming long weekend, y'all!