2. My mom came over today and we got KFC. (Delicious KFC + someone else paying for it, yay!)
3. I got some songs translated and actually updated my lyrics website for the first time in months.
|You're viewing shadowspar's Reading Page|
Create a Dreamwidth Account Learn More
"All relationships change the people who are in them.
Nobody goes through the fire trial of romantic love and comes out the same on the other side.
In fact, I would argue that for a relationship to last in the long-term—i.e. for two differing individuals to do the hard work of unpacking their own souls so they can better understand each other and live together in harmony—healthy change is essential.
So I believe a more fitting question would be, what is healthy change, and what isn’t?
Brings you closer to understanding the truth about yourself. Leads you to confront your darkness, and figure out how to deal with it. Leads you to recognize detrimental thought patterns and attitudes that sabotage your own potential for fulfillment. Can be extremely difficult and painful in the beginning, but rewards you with the power of self-knowledge and the joy of self-actualization.
Unhealthy change, on the other hand:
Makes you feel disconnected from your true self; your identity becomes what you think your partner wants you to be. Makes you more fearful of, and insecure about, the dark places inside you. Leads you to smother, repress or ignore your own needs. May bring you temporary, superficial gratification, but becomes increasingly painful and difficult to sustain."
-My Pinterest emails are going wild. Someone's discovered something they really like on my DIY/Crafty board and I am getting all the emails about it. Fifty or sixty emails, I mean. That's a lot.
-Mom got bit by a dog on Sunday. It looked bad then, but it's even worse now. I'm very worried about her and her bite. She sent me pictures and I am very, very concerned. She tells me that she went to the doctor and got antibiotics, yet I still am concerned after seeing these pictures. Hrmph.
-My lemon tree and tomato plant have come inside! Now we must brave Birnam Wood 'ere we reach the kitchen. The lemon tree is even blooming - and it looks like it might have some fruiting bodies. I hope for at least one lemon. Just one.
-I am packed for BAM! I am looking forward to it. I kept waffling on whether or not I was going to go, but I am going. I have packed plenty of warm things and figured out what we're taking for food. Now we just need to go get the food that we don't already have - the jerky, the nuts, the fruit, some additional sandwich stuff. We leave tomorrow and Giata, Ruby Herald, is camping with us. I think I should pack my gorget for waterbearing/fighter support, though.
-I have hit six workouts! Three weeks, twice a week. I'm pleased with myself and happy that the trainers understand my limitations and work with me because of them.
I think that's it for now.
I hate what TDoR has come to represent: a queer ‘holiday’ for embracing the narrative of fear; fear of violence, fear of death, self-stigmatization. The co-opting of POC trans women of a very-particular-background’s experiences as those of the ENTIRE trans community, regardless of race, class, or whatever. It’s a day to remind us all why we need to be afraid all the time and I think it’s a bunch of bullshit.
The large majority of people on the lists of the dead are NOT middle class white transwomen or men. They’re lower class PoC & PoC sex workers. I find it incredibly dissrespectful when white, middle, & upper middle class transpeople claim the narratives of transwomen of color & sex workers experiencess as their own. I’m sick of seeing Transbros at TDoR co-opting the narrative of transwomen’s experiences, internalizing them, and feeding those narratives back to everyone, then high-fiving each over how radical & edgey they are. I’m sick of being a Transwoman at TDoR and feeling marginalized by all the gender hipsters who’re there to bump up their scene cred.
because trans identity is so caught up in Caucasianness, a new problem emerges with both the claiming of dead trans people of color altogether: if we weren’t “trans enough” in life, why are we suddenly being counted by the same people who wouldn’t have us once we’re dead? it’s because the idea that it’s dangerous to be trans has to be sold somehow, given that cis people generally ignore violence against trans people regardless of what color we are, and i do have no doubt that it seems like a good idea to use all these names. the trouble is that when this happens without any discussion of race, class, and how violence is often linked to certain types of work, reading our names uncritically is appropriative and using the deaths of people you didn’t care about in life as a vehicle for activism in death. i get that this has to be sold as a concept because cis people are often willfully ignorant that we’re getting killed out here. thing is, there are ways to sell this concept and be conscious of the racial/class/social politics involved herein. i see what the point of TDoR is in terms of public relations, but it isn’t so invaluable that the problematic things about it should go unchecked.
The truth is, the Trans Day of Remembrance is a day of political grand standing, using the deaths of trans women of colour as a numbers game to buy someone else’s pet project sympathy for votes, dollars, or attention. It’s a day where trans women of colour have greater value dead than we do alive.
We all too often hear that this day is a day where we must not let the deaths of these women be in vain, but this just underscores the transactional nature of these women’s deaths, most of whom fought no war. They lost their lives not in valour, but only as a result of being women in a world filled with gendered violence. They lost their lives because — all too often — our society casts out the disenfranchised and marginalized, no longer calling the huddled masses and tempest-tossed to our communities with heartfelt calls of liberty and virtue.
We should gather to mourn the dead, not conscript them into a battle they never had the privilege to fight while living. It pains me to stand here and remind you that these deaths, of our brothers and sisters and wives and husbands and daughters and sons, that these deaths are senseless tragedies that remain a black mark on society. These deaths are signs of a systemic, institutional, social, economic, and political failure to care for our most vulnerable and marginalized populations. But what may be worse, is the crude politicising of these deaths serves no cause more than that of the same vanity we decry.
The reading of each mispronounced name that usually happens, mostly from extracontinental locations, acts as a drop of emotional currency for the pimps feeding the masses hungry for misery pornography and serves validation upon their fears. I want to be clear that all fear is real, and I sympathize deeply with the way that events like this -- the general climate of fear, nonlethal violence, and broader aspects of discrimination felt by our community can impact our lives in real ways, regardless of whether or not our risks truly match. But if we are to move forward in creating the change, if we are to move forward in ending the lethal, nonlethal, discursive, institutional and cultural violence that plagues our society, if we're to forge a future where trans women of color's lives are cherished and we don't find reason to feel that we must need to look over our shoulders every waking moment, then we have to be willing to have a real discussion about the violence that faces our community.
The dead are us. They’re trans women of color trying to live their damn lives. They’re killed by partners, by clients, by random encounters on the street. I mean, seriously, the silence of white trans people when Islan Nettles was beaten to death walking down the damn street, and even worse the attempts at victim-blaming, were truly horrific…including some invective hurdled about how walking around in the hood comes with such risks. There is such a severe disconnect that part of what would help is that if white trans people in general listened to us this one day a year it could be a catalyst, or so I try to believe. Our realities include much more than how we’re seen in the TDoR list-of-names format: dead people. We are so much more than that, and our realities might be uncomfortable to the “trans community” or maybe, just maybe, the “trans community” will see us as something more than just a list of names of dead people and a bunch of inconvenient bodies and realities to dismiss in life.
Trans Day of Remembrance is filled to the brim with the names of murdered Black and brown trans women, but is a single evening of remembering enough? And what does it mean that TDoR doesn’t explicitly talk about race and is often dominated by white people? Here in Austin there’s this tradition of calling the names of the dead and then having an audience member sit in a chair that represents where the dead trans woman would sit. The seats are always filled with white people and non-trans women. What do our deaths mean when our bodies, our lives, the physical space we take up, is appropriated by white folks? How can I mourn for my sisters when the space set up for that mourning is so thoroughly colonized? And how can I even see hope of living a full life when I don’t see myself reflected in what is supposed to be my community?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to honor those women who came before us, those women murdered by colonial patriarchy. But it seems like more often than not, the queer community at large is content with just remembering. We only hear about trans women after their deaths. And even our deaths are not our own. A week doesn’t go by without a white queer citing the deaths of trans women of color as the evidence of how oppressed they are. These stats are often used in service of their own assimilation; meanwhile, they’re happy to leave us out in the cold. We don’t even have dignity in death, nor the ability to decide what it will mean for us.
TDoR generally sees trans women of color as acceptable losses as a central part of the minstrel show that it is. You can’t have a list of dead trans people without it mostly being dead trans women of color with a significant scattering of disabled trans women, too. This common thread between trans suicide and homicides of trans people is no accident, because the violence of rejection may not be the same force of violence that comes from a killer’s blade, but it’s violence nevertheless, and that violence drives some people to suicide. That violence, unlike the violence of a killer, is tolerated and even encouraged in our community. From Ryan Blackhawke’s since-deleted libelous comments complaining about last year’s version of this article to Andrea James’ harassment to the exclusionary nature of the only spaces trans women have (spaces like Ingersoll) comes this violence, and it needs to stop.
TDoR is still broken and still fails trans women of color. Gwen Smith still keeps the list manicured and controlled for whatever political purpose she’s aiming for, refusing to discuss race on the official site of TDoR itself, a day Ms. Smith continues to claim to “own”, and she hasn’t shown any willingness to change the reprehensible fact that deaths in custody don’t count when trans women are frequently targets of police harassment which disproportionately affects trans women of color, which leads to the logical conclusion that we’re more likely to be victims of police and governmental violence.
LJ.XMLRPC.getchallenge on the endpoint, receiving something like...
"auth_scheme" :STRING "c0" "server_time" :INTEGER <epoch time> "challenge" :STRING "c0:1416283200:2410:60:4QoGWOXV0uB9gBaZ0LB0:5a1901a0feccabcb30fbe6e85878f758") "expire_time" :INTEGER <epoch time>))
challenge concatenated with
md5_hex of the account password; call the result
response = md5(concat(challenge, md5(password)))
function in the API, invoke
auth_method = challenge and
auth_response = response.
Proceed as appropriate for said
 .. digest in hexadecimal form. The length of the returned string
will be 32 and it will only contain characters from this set:
The next edition of the Down Under Feminists Carnival is planned for 5 December, 2014 and will be hosted by Mary at Hoyden About Town or perhaps puzzling.org, as circumstances permit. Submissions to mary-carnival [at] puzzling [dot] org.
Submissions must be of posts of feminist interest by writers from Australia and New Zealand that were published in November. Submissions are due on 2 December at the latest, but it’ll be easier on Mary if you submit sooner rather than later. So submit early and often, please, and spread the word!
Submit away, please!
BAM is this weekend and I am getting prepared for it! There's supposedly going to be a Beer and Brats sort of social while we're there, so I'm going to bring some beer to be social with.
I need to get some stuff to get ready, but I think I have enough warm stuff. I hope I have enough warm stuff.
I, Brent, Linda and her gentlemen all went to the Louisiana Renn Fest this weekend. I got a parasol with rats and Owls on it! Isn't it neat?
I often hear that making an event more accessible, or even providing information about accessibility, is “too hard” for event organisers. I contest that.
I make basic efforts toward accessibility for almost every event I run, mostly in the form of documentation, and it’s not that time-consuming or difficult. I estimate I spend about 20 minutes on it for a small event at a new venue, and less than five minutes if we’re running a second or subsequent event at the same place. It’s hardly anything in the overall scheme of things.
Here’s a sample for an event I recently attended, based on my recollection of the venue and proceedings, and a little bit of online research:
Physical accessibility: The workshop will be held on a rural property. Part of the workshop will be held up a steep and narrow flight of stairs. The rest of the workshop will be held around the property, with rough ground and unfinished paths between different areas. Access to the toilet is via a rough path and a few stairs. This event is not suitable for people with wheelchairs/scooters and may not be suitable for others with mobility impairments.
Workshop content: The morning speaker will provide written/illustrated notes covering most of the workshop material. No other transcription/interpretation is planned.
Allergies: Due to the nature of the workshop and the ourdoor venue, people with seasonal or animal allergies may wish to medicate accordingly.
If you have other accessibility needs or inquiries, feel free to email (email address).
There is ample car and bike parking onsite.
There is no public transport to the venue.
Ride shares can be arranged via our Facebook group (link); please post there if you are able to offer a ride, or are looking for one.
For safety reasons, this event is not suitable for young children; older children/teens may attend under the supervision of an adult. No childcare will be provided.
Babies may be changed in the bathroom at the main venue. Refrigeration/heating for baby food are available in the kitchen.
I timed it; that took me 25 minutes to research and write, and I was eating dinner and watching TV at the same time.
For future events at the same venue, simply copy-paste and make changes as necessary. It should take less than 5 minutes.
You may think that this hardly counts as “making your event accessible”, since so much of it is simply stating the lack of accessiblity, but even that much information is such a huge step above what most events provide that people will thank you for it.
Besides, awareness is most of the battle. Once you get in the habit of thinking about these things for every event, you’ll start to notice if you’re excluding people from attending. You might not have intended to exclude them, and done it without thinking; that’s pretty common, and most of us start out there. Now you’ll be more conscious of it, and you can begin to think about what further steps you could take.
At the very least, you’ll have saved a potential attendee from having to email a stranger (or worse, post on a public forum), disclosing a bunch of personal information just to find out whether they can attend or not.
Here are some examples of other events that provide accessiblity information:
And a few quick “don’ts”:
This is still a learning process for me, as it is for most people. I know I’ve done a crap job of this in the past, but I hope I’ll do a better job in future. If you have any suggestions about how I can improve the way I approach event accessibilty, please feel free to contact me.