October 2014

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Monday, October 20th, 2014 02:01
A while back I requested three weeks back to go to a friend's wedding. Very sadly, the wedding has been called off, so I won't be going to it or getting the attendant vacation on the east coast. However, although one co-worker let me have the shifts he agreed to cover back, the other had been counting on the money and in the name of amicable relations I let him keep them. Therefore I only work one day a week until November, and with school back in session that's more like six hours in the evening and an hour or two in the morning. My mini-vacation is refreshing and quite welcome, because I was getting a bit ragged there.

Today I went looking for a knitting needle and ended up completely cleaning out my bedside table. It's now far roomier, less dusty, and vaguely organized. I also found the knitting needle, as well as the quiver of DPNs that have been hiding from me since the move. It was one of those late-night ADHD moments that I've been trained to think are suboptimal by every study guide I've ever been given, where I count entirely on a whim to spark enthusiasm for an important task; but on the other hand it works and not very many other things do nowadays.

My mom commented the other day that I've been working forever with no payoff in sight, and that's absolutely true. Mary Pipher's Letters to a Young Therapist has resonated that statement all the way down to glum hunger, because she has almost exactly the life I want--six sessions a day at a clinic with colleagues, working with a diverse clientele of individuals and families, owns her own house, has a husband and kids and family, writes, supervises grad students, goes on little trips, does good work. It's funny that I come back to her because hers was the life I wanted when I was 13 and read Reviving Ophelia, and even though the intervening years have opened up many different potential careers, settings, and households, in many ways I still want the same thing. (Except I also want a farm.)

But for years all I wanted was income, which I have now, though not the amount I was hoping for. I've spent so long--it feels like one continuous push since I left childhood--and I got a little taste of what it was like to get there in the first two years of my Master's, and I could bear with money frustrations by saying when I get a job as a therapist, but now--

*glum sigh*

But cleaning out my bedside table meant I found even more cards from people. I keep the cards people send me, and display them on a little ledge on the wall above my bed, and they're immensely cheering--I think my favourites are the thank-you-and-goodbye card from the school I worked at, where every staff member left a personalized message, and the very long rambly ones that are absolutely filled with handwriting, mostly from fannish people. I found two fannish cards and the thank you card from my last internship, put them on the "paper to deal with" pile (my ledge is getting crowded and rather like a stack of dominoes, so I need a new system) and went up to shower with a smile on my face.

So I decided something, since I need a goal to work with. I still have those 12.5 dratted hours of internship left, and no idea of where I'm going to fill them. My plan, drawn up with the people at school, is to be done that internship by May 2015. So how I'm going to work to that goal is to start a list of potential internship sites, and research what I think are the absolute best places for me to work in Victoria. I have to approach the sites cold since my school's prearranged sites are mostly on the Mainland, and if I'm signing up for polite rebuffs they might as well be from someplace good. Then I'll do my best to network like hell during that internship, and see if that can't crack me in. You know, what an unpaid internship is supposed to do.

Which means hanging with my job even longer. I thought I would moan about that part more, but I've realized something about why I do it. It's got work I won't slack off on. My work ethic is terrible when it comes to things I find irrelevant, and in jobs where I know I'll have a lot of free time on my hands or the work isn't important, I struggle not to stay in bed when I wake up on a bad day. With things as bad as they currently are, I can see myself just failing to show up for a job as a cashier--Nope. Can't be arsed. Whereas with what I'm doing now? I need to be there. I'm working alone and there's no one to cover for me without a lot of fuss. And when I'm with the kids, I cannot help but give them everything I've got--sure, sometimes that is pretty tired and pathetic, but that's because my reserves are so low.

So I simply wouldn't get out of bed for a job that was less difficult. (Unless it was therapisting.)

I often wish I could be a different person, someone more trusting and expressive and dramatic and able to solicit help, but lately I've been toying with the thought that the things I'm annoyed with in myself now have been virtues in others, things like endurance and fortitude and resourcefulness. Maybe even independence. If they are, they feel like very lonely virtues.

Though now that I write them down, none of them seem incompatible with friendship or other ties. They might not even have been for me in practice. That's how I've always thought of them, though.
Monday, October 20th, 2014 02:02
13 years ago Saturday, I pledged to be the friend who didn't fall off the radar for Darkside. It has worked out rather better than he thought it would so far. :)
Monday, October 20th, 2014 11:14
I... think my car was broken into last night? I mean it must have?

Yesterday I parked just as a big rain storm was starting up, so I ran out of the car when it was raining, but then I turned back to MAKE SURE I locked it. I mean anything is possible, but IDK. I CHECKED THAT I'D LOCKED IT.

This morning I came to my car and the glove compartment was open, and the stuff that was in it was splayed on the passenger's seat (if the compartment had opened accidentally and things had spilled out they'd have gone to the floor) and the stuff that had been lying on the floor/on the seat next to the driver's were lying on the driver's seat. Namely, a pair of pink underwear that I had... lying somewhere in the car (that was not on a seat! Don't ask.) was neatly splayed out on the driver's seat.

I just... WHAT. Nothing was taken - I mean there was nothing valuable in the car anyway, but even the stuff from the glove compartment was intact. There was a speaker thing in there! They didn't even take that! Nothing else in the car had been touched, everything in the trunk was intact. None of the windows were broken or anything, the car started just fine. I... I DON'T EVEN KNOW.

Apparently last night someone broke into my car, found a pair of my underwear and decided to put it on my seat. The disconcerting thing is that I had a name tag from work in the glove compartment, so they also saw my name + place of employment? It's a little hilarious and a little unspeakably creepy. I... just don't even know. I guess it's possible my stuff went topsy-turvy on its own, due to the intense storm. But even though trees and stuff were rattled, I don't really see my car being picked up from the ground and shaken around, which is the only thing that could have caused a pair of underwear to migrate from being crumpled on the floor or whatever to being nicely displayed on the next seat over?

It's possible that I didn't notice that the car was unlocked, I guess, and someone sought refuge from the rain in it? The passenger's side was the one close to the sidewalk, so there's that I guess? And maybe they rifled through my stuff and then politely... got up and left my car alone?

I just... what even. WHAT EVEN.
Monday, October 20th, 2014 08:08
via http://ift.tt/1t4lKeR at October 20, 2014 at 03:00AM:






So….I totally never thought about this. I’m sure very few of you have. I don’t know about you, but I’m a bit disturbed…

Wow. Food for thought. I’m sure there’s an answer though.

Their names were translated/Anglicized after going from Greek to English.

The names of the Apostles are of Greek, Aramaic and Hebrew origins. The Hebrew, Aramaic and “Greek” named Apostles were:
Shim’on = Simon (Hebrew origin).
Y’hochanan = John (Hebrew origin).
Mattithyahu = Matthew (Hebrew origin).
Ya’aqov = James (Hebrew origin meaning Jacob).
Bar-Tôlmay = Bartholomew (Aramaic, which is related to Hebrew).
Judah = Jude / Saint Jude (not to be confused with Judas Iscariot, Hebrew origin).
Yehuda = Judas Iscariot (Hebrew origin, Betrayed Yeshua/Yehosua the Messiah).
Cephas / Kephas = Peter (Hebrew / Aramaic origin meaning “Rock”).
Tau’ma = Thomas (Aramaic origin).
Andrew = Andrew (Greek origin. Is the brother of Cephas / Kephas).
Phillip = Phillip (Greek origin).
You will note that there are only 11 names, that is because there were 2 Apostles named Ya’aqov (James), which brings the total to 12 apostles.


To expand on this, Jesus’s name is Anglicized in this way as well. We get Jesus from the Latin form of the Greek “Ἰησοῦς”(Iēsous), which is derived from the Herbrew “ישוע”(Yeshu’a, which meant “YHWH is Salvaion”, YHWH, or Yahweh being the name of God). When another form of that name, ” יְהוֹשֻׁעַ”(Yeoshu’a) was allowed to Anglicize through a different set of corruptions, it entered the English Language through Reformist Protestants as the name “Joshua”.
Yes. Jesus’s actual name is Joshua.

joshua christ this is fascinating

No but you realize this means the creator of the graphic DIDN’T KNOW that all of those names were Middle Eastern in origin, though.
And that’s sad.
Monday, October 20th, 2014 07:06
via http://ift.tt/1CJtCCd at October 20, 2014 at 02:00AM:

meeting chris evans like
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 22:50
1. I did not sleep in this morning because I woke up super hungry and could not get back to sleep, but I did take a nap in the morning!

2. We went to Walmart and Fry's today. Haven't been to Fry's in ages, since we don't have a car anymore and I just feel like electronics stores are not as exciting as they once were, but it was fun to take a look around. And Walmart had (among other things) Crispix for under $3! That is my favorite cereal and it's usually $5 something at other stores and never goes on sale, but this was their regular price. Too bad we don't have a Walmart near us or I'd buy it all the time (as it is, I bought three boxes).

3. Alexander came over this evening and we started a Gravity Falls rewatch. He's only seen about half of season one, and rather than try to figure out where he'd left off, we just decided to start from the beginning. Irene had never seen it before and wasn't sure she'd like it or not, but she did, so yay. :D
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 22:39
Mondays, every week, let's celebrate ourselves, to start the week right. Tell me what you're proud of. Tell me what you accomplished last week, something -- at least one thing -- that you can turn around and point at and say: I did this. Me. It was tough, but I did it, and I did it well, and I am proud of it, and it makes me feel good to see what I accomplished. Could be anything -- something you made, something you did, something you got through. Just take a minute and celebrate yourself. Either here, or in your journal, but somewhere.

(And if you feel uncomfortable doing this in public, I've set this entry to screen any anonymous comments, so if you want privacy, comment anonymously and I won't unscreen it. Also: yes, by all means, cheer each other on when you see something you want to give props to!)
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 21:58
As I believe I've mentioned here before, I have a pretty annoying case of dyscalculia. It mostly makes me transpose digits, confuse certain numbers (3 and 8, 2/5/9), and have difficulty with orders of magnitude. Since discovering that dyscalculia is a genuine honest thing (the schools I attended really should have picked it up, but it was too early for there to be much attention on the condition and we had a nasty case of Gifted Children Can't Have Learning Disabilities) I've learned a bunch of workarounds and coping techniques; I'm getting better at it not disrupting my life.

I also have a really shitty memory for numbers, except when I have a really good memory for them -- fucked if I can remember specific phone numbers for years and years, for instance, even ones I manually dial regularly instead of using the phone's address book, until all of a sudden, like with the flip of a switch, I'll remember it for years past when I'm actually using it regularly. Right after I moved out of my parents' house the first time, I was writing checks for a lot of my regular shopping, and I wrote my drivers' license number on the checks often enough that I found I'd memorized it -- and still remember it, 10 years after surrendering my NJ license for a MD one. (I don't know my MD one; I don't write checks that often anymore.) That kind of thing.

The big thing, though, is credit card numbers. I buy things online pretty often, and I don't ever let my browser or most websites save my CC#, so I type it pretty regularly. It usually takes me no more than a year or two to memorize a credit card number after something like a CC fraud/identity theft thing happens and I have to cancel the card and get a new one. I always struggle like hell for the first few months of a new card number (wanting to type in the old one and always misreading/mistyping the new one as the transpositions and digit confusions kick in), then have a little while of not remembering the number but not having trouble typing it with the card in front of me. Then I'll find that I'm remembering the expiration date and the CVV (confirmation code), along with a few sequences of the 16-digit card number, but I still need the card for confirmation. After a bit, though, it's like a switch flips in my head, and I never have to pick up the physical card again when I'm making online purchases. (Until the next time there's a data breach and I have to get a new card number, of course.)

I'm curious as to how common this is! Sarah says she's never memorized a credit card number in her life, whereas I currently have our main credit card # (last changed about 2 years ago) and the DW business card # (about three years old) memorized but not our backup card (which is about three or four years old, I think, but I type it in way less frequently).

So, a poll:

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: Just the Poll Creator, participants: 128

For your current primary credit card:

I don't remember anything about it, no matter how long I have the number for.
10 (7.9%)

Eventually I will learn some parts of it (small sequences, CVV, expiration date) but I always go for the card anyway.
36 (28.3%)

Eventually I'll remember larger bits of it (whole segments but not all of the #, CVV and expiry, etc) but always doublecheck
21 (16.5%)

I'll remember it if you get me started but I don't rely on memory in case I get it wrong
4 (3.1%)

I will memorize number, expiry, and CVV eventually but I haven't had this card long enough yet
23 (18.1%)

I have number, expiry, and CVV memorized and don't need to pull out the card
32 (25.2%)

I don't have a credit card/I don't use it for online purchases
1 (0.8%)

If you do memorize credit card numbers, about how long does it take you?

Less than 6 months
24 (28.6%)

6 months to a year
26 (31.0%)

12 to 18 months (1-1.5 years)
22 (26.2%)

18 to 24 months (1.5-2 years)
8 (9.5%)

24 to 30 months (2-2.5 years)
1 (1.2%)

30-36 months (2.5-3 years)
1 (1.2%)

Longer than 3 years
2 (2.4%)

If you do memorize card numbers: do you deliberately try to, or does it just happen?

I deliberately try to memorize them as quickly as possible
3 (3.3%)

I try haphazardly but I don't sweat it
18 (19.6%)

It just happens
71 (77.2%)

I wish to complain about the options in this poll:

21 (100.0%)

Sunday, October 19th, 2014 21:56
Reading Tumblr is making me post more often on Dreamwidth. I end up wanting to post with the frequency post on Tumblr, but I want to do it here, where I have a community and we can actually have useful conversation. I don't want to be reblogged by any rando who clicks on the tag, I want to have a conversation with all y'all.

Once Upon a Time, The Apprentice )
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 21:30
I think most people consider Fathers' Day and Dalek to be the two best stories of this season. Fathers' Day notably pipped Dalek to the Hugo but I was a little concerned that on a second watch it would be too schmaltzy and the sentimentality would be too obviously manipulative.

It is very schmaltzy )

Where Fathers' Day clearly wins over Dalek, I suspect, is that it is dealing with a far more accessible situation. Most people have lost someone close to them, so the question of how you would feel and react if given the opportunity to save them, or meet them again, is much more directly relevant than the question posed in Dalek which is about how similar someone very powerful can become to their arch-nemesis. It's a much more human story and for all its blatant sentimentality I think it, at the end of the day, is a better piece of television as a result.
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 20:07
post-tags: instagram, crosspost First frost tonight; pumpkin from @wilsonfarm ready for a slow afternoon roast. (As the base for kaddo bourani!)
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 15:44
But he's more interested in standing there and yelling at me.

Read more... )
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 11:21
So I replaced them yesterday. Popular! She can't decide which to kill first.

Read more... )
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 08:11
via http://ift.tt/1sXqgdL at October 19, 2014 at 03:00AM:







1. Steve Rogers is not just some dumb soldier who follows orders, he thinks outside the box and asks questions and considers consequences.

2. Peggy Carter had plans to eat that boy alive before he became a delicious roast beefcake in Howard Stark’s hottie machine. 

3. I don’t understand people who didn’t enjoy this movie. 


Roast beefcake is just added bonus:

everybody wanted to eat that roast beefcake

Seriously. In the taxi cab she was totally planning on taking his virginity. 

And then he got all beefy and she was like “Shit. Heart of gold AND pecs that could crack a walnut between them? How am I supposed to deal with this?????”

The nurse in the background is just thinking “Do it. Do it for all of us. Do him for all of us”

Are you sure she’s not thinking “I can’t decide. I know! THREESOME!” ? 
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 00:52
Friday was a special work holiday celebration on account of Diwali. The event invitation said to dress colorfully, so I did -- the sea-blue print skirt, a screaming magenta top, a knit teal mesh scarf paired with a burnout royal blue scarf (both the same size of infinite), and yellow and blue ribbons in my loose hair. The Stage Manager: "It looks like you walked through a rainbow and it exploded."

I went early-ish; Purple also went early-ish; we failed to locate each other until much later. I sat down next to Mr. Sub-tle and chatted a bit while sewing square white buttons on a black shawl. The major challenge is to sew them on in a way that has them retain their orientation. I learned many things about the shenanigans which go into arranging certain events.

At length lb appeared, and then the Other Guy. They had a rousing discussion of events. Eventually things got louder, and lb and I headed over to a quieter side bench, which had the disadvantage of extra reverb. Purple came out to join us after a while, and there was lengthy and hilarious discussion, some of which was more appropriate than others. I got an appreciable amount done on embellishing the shawl. The buttons were sent in a large bulk bag. The manufacturing process involved chips of plastic lodging themselves in the thread tunnels of the buttons, so I had to ream them out. Meanwhile, Purple and lb and Dean Pelton (and Purple points out that our version is *much more* butch than Community's) all thought they looked like chiclets. "Manlets!" Purple declared. Whereupon I said that I was reaming the manlet. Hilarity, etc.

Dinner or something was briefly under debate, but declined on the grounds that Saturday was going to be sort of epic. Purple and I wrapped up, then walked out together. We nearly lost balance when hugging, but recovered. I was reminded of the gif floating around tumblr of the people dancing off a balcony, then demonstrated Tay's tango-punch. Purple had thought of a slightly different way to do that, which delighted me. And then we headed off, intending to have quiet and early nights. I did better at that than he did, as he proved to be coding up a storm on some personal projects, late into the night...

lb invited one of his other work friends back to #adventuresofstnono. Whee!
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 00:37
The streams have crossed. I've now met two of Purple's good friends from non-work (tentatively dubbed Catboy and the Antisocial Butterfly) and they now know that I say "As helpful as a ferret in a bowl of packing peanuts" when Purple is being super helpy.

The event: an open house at the NASA Ames Research Center, attended by like fucking half the goddamn sf bay area.

Despite the woeful elements of my day, I'm feeling really pretty damn good about the whole thing, which is great -- the same series of events could have resulted in a really kind of terrible day. Happily, they did not.

long day is long )
Sunday, October 19th, 2014 07:09
via http://ift.tt/1sXesIt at October 19, 2014 at 02:00AM:



So my school is putting on a production of Macbeth and not enough guys tried out so instead of having a girl play male Macbeth, our direction said, “Fuck it, we’re doing Lesbian Macbeth”

This is the best possible solution.

I most heartily approve of this because it is awesome.
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 23:09
1. I feel like I got quite a bit done at work today. Still so, so behind, but starting next week I'll be training someone to take over one of my departments, so hopefully that will make things easier.

2. Irene made pasta for dinner tonight. Very tasty!

3. I caught up on Shingeki no Kyojin. Argh, it's so good!

4. Homestuck is back from hiatus! I liked the first updates a lot, but then I like Caliborn a lot, so.

5. Day off tomorrow! Not only do I get to sleep in and relax, but I won't have to hear the Hokuto mushroom song on loop for hours on end. (We have a Hokuto mushroom fair going on this week and so during the sale period we have to have this on by the mushrooms and omg I can't take it anymore!)
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 18:01
I realize I am actually sick of talking about terrible people and how they treat people badly. So I'm going to talk about something positive: This is my review of Revolution 60, the game created by Giant Spacekat. Disclaimer: I'm a book reviewer, not a game reviewer. I'm not going to review this in a critical, professional way, but only my very personal reaction.

As you know, Bob, I have pain and dexterity problems in my hands, severely limiting what I can do on a touchscreen. I'm not dexterous, I'm not fast, and I have to be enjoying myself a lot to spend spoons on a game. These days most of my gaming is shared with my housemates, where they drive the controller but we make decisions together. Many of the games I install on my iPhone get rapidly deleted for this reason, and even the ones that I do play I specifically don't play in timed modes, or modes that require dexterity.

So I was a little bit nervous about Revolution 60. I knew there was a combat system, which was necessarily going to push my limits. I picked up the game anyway, on the recommendation of a coworker. (This was when the game first launched, long before the Internet blew up at Brianna Wu.)

Revolution 60 review )
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 16:09
She's pretty much destroyed the laundry basket, too.

Read more... )
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 15:52
Sorting my giveaway box in prep for pulling frimps for the mega decant circle I have open right now. GC on table in piles by alphabet, LE decants in the Baggie. This is why I ask for wish lists...

Read more... )
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 17:28
Brain still all over the place. Sleeping lots, then finding it hard to remember what all I've actually achieved, and therefore getting sad and edgy about not ~doing anything~, so let's make a list.

tada )

todo )
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 10:33
Just the fact that it's Saturday. It doesn't even need to do anything else. I'm satisfied. And also I have tea. :)
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 07:15
I've had another sleepless night. My last one was more than a week ago, at work. I think a common link was trying to take my meds at night and not in the morning; so much for that plan.

Emily-cat has been coming to lie on my pillow the last couple days, when I turn off the lamp in my room and lie down for the night. Tonight I was a poor bedfellow, I'm afraid. I petted her, which she doesn't want when she's come to sleep; then I tossed and turned, and at length sat up in bed and stole her pillows. She moved to curl up at my feet, and then I forgot and kicked her when I stretched out again.

She followed me upstairs every time I went. She used to be very anxious that no distance close between us, so the moment I got to my feet she'd leap to hers; now she'll actually wait until I'm out of her line of sight before following.

A couple days ago I decided to be terribly productive and rearranged the cat shelves in the living room to my liking, so she now has perches at chest-height, and above that close to the ceiling at 7 or 8 feet. On the left-hand chest-height perch she can see both the living room and into the kitchen, which is useful when I was making myself something to drink; but when I settled down on the living-room couch to read my book and drink hot chocolate she went up to the top and sat there like a creepy gargoyle catloaf with bioluminescent eyes.

I think she likes them.

Now it's early morning, I haven't slept, and I've booked a massage for 2pm because pain is part of what's keeping me up at night. Inertia makes me want to stay here and "try to sleep" again, but I think I might actually get dressed and get a jump on my day, and then fall asleep when I get home in the afternoon.

I'm seriously surprised I managed to write this whole entry. Lately I've been flaking out on holding a coherent thought together for more than a few sentences--it's easier when I'm responding to something, like someone on Tumblr being RONG about the MBTI, but taking a spontaneously-occurring idea in my head and putting it down on writing before it evaporates is often an exercise in futility. I have a lot of first sentences of things.
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 14:55
not to write the selkie novel this November? (Yep, that snippet is about selkies - when listening to Still Catch The Tide on repeat, I found myself wondering what it would take for a selkie to choose to destroy her sealskin, and then things kind of... spiralled. I have only a very broad-brush outline and part of the point of trying to NaNo it would be to find out what the hell's going on! BUT it is still not necessarily a good idea for me to try to the thing.)
Saturday, October 18th, 2014 08:09
via http://ift.tt/1Fg4LtY at October 18, 2014 at 03:00AM:






This shit is fucking hilarious.


Saturday, October 18th, 2014 07:07
via http://ift.tt/1rLWLq9 at October 18, 2014 at 02:00AM:

This just reminds me of the time the East Asian Language/Culture majors got involved in LARPing L5R.
It ended with someone having to admit that eight layers was sufficient because she couldn’t MOVE with any more.
Friday, October 17th, 2014 21:17
Traveling and maintaining the RL persona travel blog is taking up all of my energy.

Redwood was amazing.

Yosemite was nice, but Yosemite Valley is way too touristy for me. Couldn't do much else because the husband has a cold.

Kings Canyon is amazing and wonderful and did I mention amazing?

Oh, and Netflix US is great. I got a craving for Sci-fi again and now I am rewatching Star Trek Voyager. Oh my, that series is... Sometimes great and sometimes really awful.
Friday, October 17th, 2014 19:28
So, guys, last night I posted the last chapter of The Way You Drink Your Coffee.

The Way You Drink Your Coffee (38830 words) by sabrina_il
Chapters: 9/9
Fandom: Hockey RPF
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews
Characters: Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews, Adam Burish
Summary: Patrick Kane is a professional dominant, Jonathan Toews is his client.

Guys, it's been a year. OVER a year, actually. I started writing this in July of last year, and finished posting in October. I suppose I can claim I've been working on it for a year proper if I take out the two months I've spent traveling. I remember telling [personal profile] roga, last September as I was gearing up to leave for India, that the story was nearly done and just needed another draft for polish.

I've learned so, so, so much from writing this story. Which is why I stuck with it I guess - even in my darkest hour (more about why there were dark hours in the end notes) I felt like going through this, having this struggle, was teaching me so much about writing. In the back of my mind I was always writing this story as "practice" for writing an original novel, and so no experience was a bad experience, I guess, in that sense.

Writing and posting this story also had an unexpected result in boosting my confidence a little. I have basically no confidence at all in my skills as a writer of fiction (I'm good with non-fiction! but with fiction it's a completely different story). I've struggled with this and will continue to struggle with it, I guess, because the only way to convince yourself you can do something is to actually do it.

About 5 years ago I wrote an original scifi novella. It features a 90% female cast, it's set in a total institution, it talks about adolescence and leadership and friendship and I still believe in it passionately. I still love the characters, the plot, the setting, more than I can say. When, after several rounds of editing it, I considered trying to self publish it in whatever venue, I was afraid of tricking people. I remember explaining this logic out loud to [personal profile] shedonit and realizing how ridiculous it sounded, while at the same time being unable to let it go. Trying to sell my novella, even for a cent, felt dishonest. I'm not a good writer, is the thing, and people might consider buying my story because they know me from my journal, and I will be deceiving them because my fiction isn't actually any good.

[personal profile] shedonit kept asking, "have you edited this story until it's the best story you can possibly create at this point in time?" and I said yes, and she said "then let people make their own decisions". But I couldn't. It made me want to hide under the bed, the idea of "tricking" people out of their money, even if it was a single cent. My work is not good enough.

I still struggle with this, and I'll continue struggling with it, but posting this story in chapters, seeing the reaction to it, has been really, really huge. I have this thing where when people comment and tell me I'm a good writer or the story is really good I just glance over it. Subconsciously I tell myself that they're only saying that because the standards for fanfic are low anyway, or they're just trying to be nice, or they liked the particular kink/character/trope I used and it's not related to my skills at all. But TWYDYC, because it was so long, because I spent so much time on it, because I had to go through a conscious process of "this is good enough" and accepting its imperfections and posting, because I got to see people being excited about it chapter after chapter after chapter, where each time I thought "people will hate this" or "this isn't good enough" people would respond with how positive feedback... it's been huge, just absolutely huge for me. It's not that I have a huge amount of confidence now, but I have slightly more than zero. I guess it's that enough people have publicly liked this story that my brain can't claim they're ALL making it up.

Anyway, my goal now is to get back to writing original stuff, or rather to writing longform original stuff, which is what I was doing when TWYDYC "interrupted". more about original projects )
Friday, October 17th, 2014 09:36
For folks who are involved in the Wiscon community and who don't know what's been going on: the Wiscon concom had close to a dozen people resign in the aftermath of the Frenkel harassment ban. Many of them were volunteers in critical jobs, who had been working the con for several decades without any clear understudies or apprentices, doing the work of five or six regular volunteers at what was easily a part-time job level.

The good news is, we've had close to two dozen new people volunteer to join the concom, and they're rapidly filling the vacuum. Wiscon is changing into a more intersectional national/international con that is a lot more community-oriented. And hopefully, safer for everyone.

But there's a lot of institutional knowledge that's at risk for being lost, and several wheels that are going to need re-inventing. And all this during the summer and fall months when the concom is usually on "hiatus". We've still got a long way to go before we can have a Wiscon 39.

EDIT: It's come to my attention that the phrase "aftermath of the Frenkel decision" is being perceived as "people left the concom as a direct result of the permanent ban." Which isn't what happened: The vast majority of people left as a result of the arduous process of rewriting our harassment policy when we discovered it was severely flawed. This process took an extraordinary level of effort on the part of many members of the concom, well in excess of the normal amount of work involved in simply putting on the convention, and several people left as a result of the months-long discussions that happened well in advance of the ban.

I can't state for certain that nobody left as a direct result of the original decision for a conditional ban being overturned in favor of a permanent ban. But most of the people who resigned did so well in advance of the vote, or in the months afterwards. The most common reasons cited were that people found the months of heated and sometimes emotional arguments draining, and they badly needed a break. The people who left the concom included people who originally tried to defend Jim Frenkel and people who argued for the perma-ban.
Friday, October 17th, 2014 13:00
post-tags: instagram, crosspost Me: "If I download this, I'm never getting my phone back from you, am I." @hyounpark: "No comment." #angrybirds #transformers
Friday, October 17th, 2014 13:39
I keep noticing that I am underestimating my relative competence at coding. I think this is probably because I hang out with a lot of highly skilled programmers, so I am very aware of all the things I can't do and much too ready to dismiss the things I can. Yo, self, you teach this shit and you write 4am scripts to do the thing you want because nothing else will and you would actually be employable in this field. You're good at this.

Twice this week more senior PhD students have asked me about chemistry (in at least one instance resulting in me going "... this really doesn't smell like hexanol" alone in a lift). I know I was good at organic chemistry; this is... a useful reminder of my skill sets.

And I'm writing poetry that is, however much it surprises me that this is the case, the equal of a lot of stuff that's been professionally published. This, too, I can acknowledge and be proud of.
Friday, October 17th, 2014 03:47
That moment when Troy-returns-with-pizza-and-everything-is-on-fire.gif is both most and least accurate.

Most, because you were just away for maybe thirty goddamn minutes and now nothing is the way you left it, and maybe how it had been contained the seeds of whatever catastrophic upheaval occurred while you were out, but it had seemed basically okay when you wandered off. And the process involved in getting from there to here could only have involved some forms of catastrophic upheaval.

Least, because everything is different but it is not on fire -- there may be a little smoke damage in odd corners but everything has been repainted, moved, and redecorated. This clearly took some time and effort. It doesn't seem to be in the middle of any crisis. (Now.) How did all that happen? You were only gone for thirty goddamn minutes!
Friday, October 17th, 2014 02:05
Today did not start out as the best day in the history of ever.

I tried to get to sleep. I did not get there as soon as planned.
I woke up groggy. It took an hour to get out the door.
I had to get gas before work. The line was long. (Costco.)
I needed the thing for the potluck. That line: also long. (Costco again.)
By the time I actually arrived at work, the table in the appointed place was empty as I drove past in search of a parking place, and I saw the straggling end of the parade of teammates heading back.
On the way in the door, I dropped my veggie tray on the team table, because at least I had that, and people could snag things from it all afternoon if they wanted. I checked the timestamps of the lunch ping on the computer, and realized that Purple wouldn't have been there that long. So I reset the status on my cube to "Undefined" (because "Lunch" was more than I could handle declaring just then) and walked in to the cafeteria, located the table, saw with some relief that Purple was at the end of a bench with an adjacent seat free, and sat down next to him.

"Hey, I thought we wouldn't see you today!"
I kept my voice as dead-level as I knew how. "That's what I thought too."
"Slept through the team potluck?"
"Well, good thing you're in a place where they've still got some food!"
"Yeah, I'll get some in a bit."

I sat there very quietly as Purple and Lennon Glasses Guy talked about the basic steps of troubleshooting some obscure thing involving network problems until I no longer felt like any sudden shock would be the final straw causing me to utterly lose control of the oncoming tearstorm. Then I got a burrito ("How are you today young lady?" "How about a burrito.") with, by some miracle, no bell pepper in the rice, and came back and ate my burrito and listened with interest and appreciation to Purple holding forth on what to do in the face of customers claiming impossible things about their networks (things which the logs don't bear out).

I am so deeply, incredibly tired of being, well, so deeply, incredibly tired. I know a few of the factors why I've been having worse sleep lately, but the plain fact of it is, I am not office-hours diurnal and that chafes. )

Purple waited until the rest of the table cleared out before saying a few quiet things to me, with a reassuring shoulder-bump. By that time, my voice had stopped threatening to wobble, but my eyes were re-lubricating faster than they could drain. When they spilled over, I shut them for a few seconds. The green wall at the end of the cafeteria -- the green stretched up above the partial drop ceiling, I noticed. Purple patted me on the back and said something funny as a distraction. (His style is somewhat like Darkside's, but distinct.)

We went our separate ways. My manager had one cupcake left. She dropped it on my desk, with some coconut bacon sprinkles on the side.


This is basically the uncanny valley of bacon. It is coconut shreds which have been toasted, smoked, and spiced like bacon. It is not quite as unearthly salty, which is an uncanny valley point. It has that crispy/greasy crunch like bacon. It also has cell walls, which don't break apart in the same way that the muscle/fat matrix of pork bacon does, but it's so close.

The pocket projector arrived! It was about the same footprint as my phone, and only about half again as thick. My manager was impressed. The Polka-Dot Researcher was impressed.

My Overlady gave the vague impression that perhaps I had not missed all that much at the potluck, and since I'd got a cupcake, I'd be just fine. Also she had swag which could be used for the good of the team. So an eBay-branded multicharger was fitted with a label which conveniently covered up the eBay branding, and left where team members can snag it if they're having a bad battery day.

I noticed that Designer Sparkles was grabbing veggies every time she walked past the team table. Perhaps I can start bringing in less industrial-sized bits of vegetables to leave on the team table -- I'll probably eat them more reliably than if they just sit in my fridge, and this way they'll get finished before they go off. I mentioned the phenomenon to Purple (that the veggie tray was getting the same amount of attention that cookies do) and he was about to say something about pod people when he thought about it and realized that yeah, he might do the same thing -- and more so in the case of chocolate chip, as proper caramelization is key.

Purple was ready to go just a little later than I was. We put the remains of the veggie tray in the refrigerator. He grabbed the bowl of former ice. I carried the tray -- on my head as per usual, a little off-center due to the floppiness. "I'm going to laugh at you if that spills all over," Purple warned. There were no incidents.

Yesterday's lunch discussion of delicious desserts recalled itself to me -- I'd brought one of the chocolates to Purple, who responded by giving me a dessert recommendation; my response included my delight that Purple was not likely to recommend me stuff which involved walnuts (as we have the same mouth-blistering adverse reaction). His exception was baklava -- he will, every rare now and then, endure the pain for the sake of deliciousness. (With vanilla ice cream, which softens the effects.) I don't make exceptions for that, but I will put up with it for the sake of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk, which has trace enough amounts to be very minor.

It is fall, and Purple is starting to feel chilly in the parking lot in just a t-shirt (and jeans, but the proposed modification is a button-down worn as a jacket).

Weekend plans: there is an open house at Moffet Field. My crew will be there late-ish. Purple mentioned that he'd been reading the fine print, and he was amused by some bits which were being alluded to without being specifically spelled out: it is a federal facility, so federal laws apply, the thing said. Subtext: THIS MEANS YOU, YOU WEED-SMOKING CALIFORNIANS. And from thence the discussion about a semi-recent news piece about how the computer security bits of the federal government have a hard time tracking down computer security experts who are willing to work For The Man who also haven't been potheads in the near-recent past... not to say present. Heh.
Friday, October 17th, 2014 08:07
via http://ift.tt/1F9K6Yw at October 17, 2014 at 03:00AM:

I will never not reblog this when I see it. 
Friday, October 17th, 2014 07:05
via http://ift.tt/102ZsxS at October 17, 2014 at 02:00AM:




Peggy Carter vs Sexism

#SO MUCH OF HER IS JUST THIS COILED SPRING WAITING TO SNAP   #she is brutal and competent and ruthless and honestly scary   #she is just holding back SO MUCH all the time and when some of that anger peeks through it is incredible   #people criticize the punch: ‘it’s not effective; violence won’t make them stop’   #she doesn’t do it because it’s smart   #she does it because she’s fucking angry!   #she is so fucking angry all the time and i am so terrified and happy and in love   #gif warning   #america’s imaginary friends  

I just.

Peggy Carter.
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 22:24
1. The new cashiers seem to be working out, and it feels like we are finally starting to maybe not be constantly short-handed all the time. One of my coworkers who announced she's quitting has agreed to stay on through the end of the year, so that's good, too (she's a buyer, so harder to replace than cashier or stocker). It would be really nice to not feel like I have to do the job of five people!

2. We got dinner from the new-to-us Chinese place for a third time and both agree that this is our new favorite place. We've tried different stuff each time and everything has been so good!

3. It was so cold this morning I actually wore a sweatshirt when I went to work! (I was too warm by the time I got there, but still it was nice.)

4. We've still got watermelon at work and it's still delicious.
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 18:12
I just did the thing I've done once before (with my Mac Mini) where, the day the newest version of an Apple product is launched, I immediately track down one of the devices that just got demoted to "no longer the latest and greatest" while it is still available, but at a discount.

So in a week or so, I should receive a second generation iPad mini. The only significant difference between it and the new one is the addition of Touch ID, which isn't a killer feature in my book.

My first generation iPad mini is still ticking along faithfully, but the headphone jack no longer works, and it only has 16 GB of memory, making it difficult to free up enough space to upgrade to iOS 8. The new one I ordered today will have 32 GB. I'm also looking forward to having a Retina display.

Also, with the release of Yosemite today, my laptop is now three major OS versions out of date. I should probably get around to upgrading it sometime in the next few months.
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 18:01
"I'm a perfectionist... no, that's not right."
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 14:02
It's a hard life, having to keep track of all the things.

Read more... )
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 12:02
I got a targeted ad a few minutes ago, and...well...one of these things is not like the other.

There's underwear under where? )
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 15:25
Currently Reading: I'm listening through Harry Potter et la Chambre des Sècrets, which is very enjoyable and good listening practice.

Reading Monstrous Affections on the Kobo app - a paranormal anthology that I bought b/c of a Sarah Rees Brennan story, and which is turning out to be surprisingly heavy stuff. Teen pregnancy, twice so far; death of a parent, once; world war two; abusive step-parents and attempted assault; the whole works.

On Aldiko app, reading The Lesbian Premodern, which is really interesting but very tough going in pdf format.

Puttering through House of Leaves (slow, well done, but not something I'm absorbed in), the Marvel team-up anthology, and Asking the Right Questions.

Recently Finished:

A Little PrincessA Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I re-read slash listened through this in free audiobook format from audiolivre.fr. It was all rather adorable, although reading again as an adult i cringed and cringed at the classism. The book is not in favour of maltreatment of the poor, per se, but it *is* vastly in favour of the rich staying rich or getting richer - Sarah deserves a life of luxury because that's what she was born to.

I found myself wishing for an alternate story where the diamond mine never paid out, but Uncle Tom searched out his friends' daughter anyway, because of a sense of justice, and he and Sarah have to adopt a lower-middle class lifestyle - and Sarah's experience as a pauper has taught her to value small comforts so she is able to comfort Uncle Tom and change his perspective or something equally twee but less... gross.

Harry Potter a l'Ecole des SorciersHarry Potter a l'Ecole des Sorciers by J.K. Rowling

My rating: 3 of 5 stars

It was delightful to revisit The Philosopher's Stone, and excellent listening practice for me - more colloquial and faster dialogue than A Little Princess. But oh my goodness the comedian who does the reading has the MOST ANNOYING VOICE himself and then manages to magnify the annoyance for all the characters. Gaaah.

To Read Next: More Harry Potter en francais, sur youtube. Expecting a new SRB novel soon, and have ordered Stone Butch Blues.
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 10:49

I think I've actually only read this one once before. The "Sable Keech" of the title is a ship, named after Sable Keech, the reified Earth Monitor from The Skinner. It's a Spatterjay leechfest, with the occasional drone, Prador and Old Captain mucking about with things. And hornets (or was it wasps, one or the other).

On the whole, I liked it, but there's definite elements of non-consensual thoughout the book, so...
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 01:28
23:56 Tuesday, 14 October, 2014
My manager and Rocky were at my cube at the same time. My manager was claiming some of the abominable pumpkin spice candy corn. Rocky said he might try one -- well, two. Because you can't just have one. He held them up to his mouth to demonstrate the vampire fangs.

I mentioned that there is, among my vacation photos from last year, a whole bunch of members of my family being carrot-walruses, with some of Mama's garden carrots. And furthermore, parts of the internet claim that walruses are vampire mermaids.

I feel that this goes best with the sea lion mermaid illustration. I should hunt these things down and put them together at some point.

I have upended the accumulation of various fabric items near the cable box. So that's where my gloves got off to! Have sent other fabric items back to the wash due to dust and such. Have hung up others. I am due another round of nightengown construction.

Once upon a time, my family had a rooster named Gong Ji and a hen named Ida Red. They were the lead birds of the flock, so it was natural that we would occasionally see Gonkers hopping on top of Ida Red. It so happened that there was an opportunity to hatch some chicks, so we stuffed some possibly-fertile eggs in the incubator. (This may or may not have been in a classroom; this wasn't the clutch that we got Clam-clam from.) And one of the chicks out of this clutch was a lovely little black chick with red trim here and there, clearly the son of Gong Ji and Ida Red. His name was Nightingale. (After the "Daisy" incident, where my sister's dear fluffy wee allegedly girl chick grew up to be a very large, gentle, gallant rooster with an incredible tail, we went for bird and flower names with no particular gendered association while the chick was too small to start presenting adult traits.) We were not the best spellers at that time. As many of our chickens did, Nightingale took on some nicknames. For reasons which made sense at the time (he was black and orange and ran fast!) he was dubbed "Steaming Football". (I can explain that one, actually. One of the boys in my grade, either Kerry or Nick, had a black and orange nerf football with twirl grooves in it. There was a certain resemblance when the young rooster ran.) Another, just for the sake of silliness and because he was so very soft and fluffy, was Nightengown. And ever after that, the garment is occasionally called the nightengown...

00:05 Thursday, 16 October, 2014
Woke up earlier than planned. Got coffee. This lipstick is really working out, due to the number of compliments I get.

Brought chocolate with me to lunch for Purple.

First thing in the morning after he got in (I got in first today) Purple pinged me to apologize for not having realized earlier, but yesterday after he'd picked up his pass for the concert portion of the Halloween shenanigans, he'd read the fine print and realized that contractors would have to come as one of the +2 of an employee, and he hadn't thought to pick up a guest pass for me while he was picking up his. And had I already made an arrangement with someone on my team, or should he try to get one for me? After having learned what the situation was with passes and such, I'd been wavering on whether I actually wanted to go or not; I'd decided that I wasn't going to get my feathers in a muss over it. But, you know, under the circumstances...

So I asked him if he could give it a go. After lunch we walked together to the divergence point between my building and the security building, then he came back via my desk, with a neatly packaged little yellow rubber bracelet, hair fluffed wide in triumph. *fistbump* Somewhat later, I learned that Mr. Zune had a spare, which I claimed in honor of [personal profile] ryan. Yay Teshipants! Yay, introducing Teshipants to further members of #cupcake! (Teshipants already knows [personal profile] jld, one of the original members.)

There were little helpdesk-related things, and rather a lot of transcription. Eventually I fetched dinner. However, at the point when dinner might have been nice, Purple and a colleague were busy stopping terrible woe with some internal tools. By the time that was all over, Purple was not so much prepared to sit down for polite dinner with a co-worker, and more ready to grab some takeout and become one with his couch. (Which I was entirely prepared for; my approach at 6pm was a fairly assumptive "Hey, got food, ping me when you're hungry"; once the repairs had stretched until 8:30, it was more like "how much work you got left? and if you're up for dinner the bag's still in the fridge.") Nonetheless, we did remain chatting in the parking lot for some time...

While Nora's re-adjusting to the physical demands of a job with a substantial commute again, our schedules are a bit mismatched. I called her for a few minutes on my way back from fetching dinner. We discussed, among other things, what a fucking crime it is that a university is apparently legally unable to exclude weapons from an audience of an event which has received terrorist threats (from someone going by the name of the shooter from the École Polytechnique massacre; this particular terrorist is making his feelings about women very, very clear).

Non-Boring Manager examined my candy dish and found the pumpkin spice candy corn. "These look like a witch's toenails!" he said.

"My toenails don't look like that," I pointed out.

"I didn't say a Wiccan's toenails!"

"I'm not a Wiccan. They're too peaceful. ^_^"

Discussions with Purple sometimes head south pretty fast. This time, a simple discussion of "Please don't bang on my couch/floor" circumstances resulted in the idea of a Clippy popping up to tell your friends(?) to please not do that thing. This resulted in the mental image of Clippy popping up in places where no animate paperclip ought to be, which resulted in turn with a conversation about how exactly to phrase the parallel of "Touched by his Noodly Appendage" when it comes to animate paperclips appearing on/beside/under you when you're banging on your friend's floor.

Beardwatch: the beard has started to watch back.

Tomorrow is the team potluck. I have a checklist.

checklist )
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 08:14
via http://ift.tt/1vypMx1 at October 16, 2014 at 03:00AM:
Thursday, October 16th, 2014 07:10
via http://ift.tt/11qQDP0 at October 16, 2014 at 02:00AM:

I’m glad that Bilbo Baggins exists

Because in the book, the dude was pretty firmly middle aged when his crazy-ass adventure started

He was settled down in the house that belonged to his parents and had done precisely jack shit with his life

It gives me hope that maybe some nutcase wizard will eventually show up and be like yo

you’re a burglar now

don’t even care that you didn’t roll rogue homie we got dragons to slay and kingdoms to save